Monday, April 15, 2013

Freedom

 I love driving. Some of my favorite moments have been in the front seat with the windows down and the music blaring. I was driving home this weekend in the gorgeous it's-basically-summer weather and just loving how green the grass looked. "I want to pull over and feel that grass on my toes," I thought. So I did!
You shoulda seen me, running through some random field in front of my tripod with no shoes on. I felt completely free.
 On the topic of freedom and running around happy in the grass, I thought I'd share some personal stuff with you guys. I've been dealing with anxiety disorder for about 2 years now. (GASP) No really, I've seen like 5 fashion bloggers come clean about this recently, and well, now I am too. Anxiety (along with depression) is one of the most commonly diagnosed disorders. I've heard it called the "common cold" of the brain.

My anxiety began fall semester of sophomore year (that's 2011) when I had to prepare for SPR. That's a big portfolio review design majors have to go through at my school, and basically everyone and their brother was stressed about it. I got to where I would obsess over the possibility of failure constantly, and I was miserable. The real problem, though, was that my anxiety lasted long after I passed the test. I spent a lot of my time nervous for seemingly no reason, afraid to socialize with people, angry at everyone (including myself), and had a variety of other icky symptoms like diarrhea, panic attacks, sleep paralysis, and some bouts with depression.

Over the course of the past year, I've seen a couple therapists, who helped me keep my anxiety under control and taught me some techniques to talk myself down. And I've really been doing so, so much better! I still get the occasional panicky moments, but I handle them a lot better now, and I'm much more positive of a person.
 I wanted to share this all with you because I'm really proud of my progress. Everyone has issues that they don't like to talk about because they want to be perfect (I know I do), and anxiety is just something I'm going to have to deal with. Days like today are more and more frequent for me, and I'm so excited for myself and my future!

I also read an article recently about how instagram and facebook showcase people's best moments, making it seem like they all have perfect lives, when that's just not true. I like to show off my cute clothes and my art and my fun times with friends, but I omit the darker parts of my life. Everyone has them, and they're nothing to be ashamed of, right? Right.
I made my dress, the sunglasses are from penny's, the spike necklace and shoes are from modcloth, and the unicorn necklace (that is twisted up in all the pictures) is from forever 21.






19 comments:

  1. I am incredibly impressed with your openness about this, and applaud the progress you've obviously worked hard for, Rachel. A brave thing to post about.

    On another note- I love that you stopped in a feild to run barefooted! What a freeing thing to do. And, I really like this outfit a lot- it is a bit different from your other outfits Much more simple and classic both in terms of color and cut, but it is that timelessness that is so great. Also, as always, so impressed you made the dress!

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    1. Thanks so much, Kristian!
      I definitely recommend it, it's like summer therapy :)

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  2. Thank you for sharing this, it's incredible brave for you to share such a private thing, and you've done so well :)
    This blog most made me want to go and run round a field with a pretty frock and no shoes on! And the dress - as always - is gorgeous, I love reading your blog ;)

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    1. Thank you so much! I've been trying to open up more on here, I appreciate your encouragement!

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  3. It definitely seems to be the season for fashion bloggers to come clean about anxiety. I myself just started Fluoxetine a few weeks ago for crippling (at times) OCD. I've never felt mellower in my life, and I wish I'd made the leap sooner! So I really, really understand that feeling of pride in one's progress. Congratulations!

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  4. Thank you for opening up Rachel! I completely agree with that article you read about facebook and instagram only showing the happy and perfect snapshots, it can be really disheartening unless you realize that EVERYONE has their problems, they're just hiding them well! I am so glad to hear you have your anxiety more in control now, and I love the happy an free post running in the field! The polka dot dress you made is adorable!
    xo Hannah

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    1. Thanks so much, Hannah! It's been a pretty good semester!

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  5. So awesome of you to be so open about this. I love seeing the trend of honesty in the blog world. I also really love your outfit ;)

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    1. I agree, I always love seeing people be "real" on the internet, it makes them so much more relatable! And thank you.

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  6. I love polka dots, this is the most perfect dress. I respect you so much for sharing your progress. I can complete relate. I struggle with severe anxiety every day and I have for many years. I'm yet to find anything that helps me. I've always wanted to write about some of my experiences on my blog but I never know exactly what to say. I hope one day I'll be as brave and successful as you.

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    1. Thank you!
      I hope you feel better soon, I know it's a constant struggle and I doubt I'll ever totally overcome it. Try to stay positive, it turns out most people want to see others succeed :)

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  7. I love your dress!! and I'm jealous that it was warm enough for bear feet. And...I go through some of the same stuff, so I sympathize.

    -Emma from littlemotley.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you! It's surprising how many people have anxiety issues, because we normally keep it under wraps, but you're definitely not alone!

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  8. ...BARE feet. hahahaha. Sorry, I'm uploading my pictures from the zoo, and some of them are of bears!

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  9. So many things to say about this post! Well, first, this is definitely one of my favorite sets of pictures of yours! You just look so happy and I'm obsessed with this dress. I was talented/motivated enough to make my own.

    Second, good for you for being so honest on here. It's great to know that you trust of all us and that you can use this space to be open and be yourself. Plus, it's great to hear that you're making progress! Obviously we can't replace your "real life" friends, but just know that we're all here to listen whenever you need us to :)

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    1. Aw, thanks so much, Elana, that means a lot to me!
      PS I'm glad that you can't tell in these pictures, but my Mom's sewing machine is stupid and the stitches on all my dresses look like a crazy person sewed them in the wee hours of the night. I'm definitely looking forward to getting my own!

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  10. This outfit is incredible. I love this dress on you! Very flattering and fun.

    And yes, I feel like everyone has anxiety these days. I've had it FOREVER. It's draining, but I discovered emotional freedom technique (EFT) a mental tapping technique and breathing and it changed my life. I highly suggest you look it up. I do it all the time and I am able to control it.

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    1. Thanks, Jessica! I will, it can't hurt to have some more tricks up my sleeve!

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